Living Out A Dream by Dani.Love

It has been a while since I’ve contributed to this lovely space. There are 3 incomplete pieces still waiting to be completed and posted. But for now, I wanted to share with you a project I’ve been working on for the past 2-3 years.

Have you ever read a book and felt or thought it would make a great film. Like, as you read the book, the visuals are just so vidid in your head. The best books live on in our dreams and daydreams, those are the ones you read multiple times and bring up randomly in conversations. One of those books for me was Water in a Broken Glass by Odessa Rose.

I first read the novel in 2006 or 2007 while I was living in DC (my hometown) right after underground. That was a rough time for me and I remember reading a lot to escape my reality and also writing a lot, a lot of dark pieces that were actually pretty revealing and therapeutic. At any rate, I ordered the novel from Amazon after coming across it during my many sessions of searching for novels with black lesbian/gay woman. When it arrived, I dived in immediately. To say the book was good and I could relate is truly an understatement. Odessa truly captured the struggle of coming into your own as a woman and a gay woman. The fear, the self talk, the wanting to do “right” by the people you love, the confusion…. everything one goes through during a time like this, she captured it so authentically and beautifully. Up until this time, I’ve never read a character who I could relate to on that level. So, of course, I fell in love with the novel because I felt it was part of my story. A story I was currently living.

Before finishing, I knew I had to find a way to get this story on the big screen. How was uncertain, but I knew this story had to be shared on a bigger platform. I ended up reading the novel about once a year, usually during the summer. Each time, I fell in love all over again. I believe it was the 4th time I read it, back in 2011 when I decided to look up Odessa Rose and contact her about adapting her novel. I didn’t even know what adapting a novel entailed but I said, F* it, let’s see where this goes.

After finding her email on her website, I composed a heartfelt message to Odessa, praising her work, letting her know what her (first) novel represented to me, and proposing to adapt her work into a screenplay. I even admitted I knew nothing about screenwriting but I would make it my business to not only get it done but do her beautiful body of work justice. She responded immediately, informing me that someone was already working on a screenplay. I remember her email being really nice but I was still a little crushed, beating myself up even, because I thought I missed my chance and I should have acted sooner.

During the following months of our initial email, Odessa and I kept in touch. She offered me words of wisdom as a new writer, as well as a list of books that inspired her to write (and keep writing). A few months later, she emailed me to ask was I still interested in adapting the novel. Uhm, of course!!!! So she connected me to the woman who has been working on the screenplay for the past year.

Fast forward 2 years later, the screenplay is DONE, we have casted and hired crew and uhmmmm, this little birdie isn’t only living out her filmmaker dream, she is adapting one of her favorite novels of ALL TIME and one of THE novels she has always wanted to see on the big screen! Like, how cool is that???

I’m truly grateful, honored, excited, and part of me still feels like I’m dreaming. A few weeks ago, we filmed our crowdfunding campaign video (Water The Film) and I got to meet the author, the wonderful Odessa Rose. Needless to say, I was super excited and just overjoyed meeting her. She is such a kind spirit and I’m glad I finally got a change to express to her, in person, how wonderful her work is and how, despite her being a straight woman, she really did a great job telling a story of woman struggling to live her truth as a gay woman.

I’m not too certain how to end this blog post. I do want to share this film journey’s story and hope whoever reading this is engaged and will support us, even if it’s just sharing it with your networks. I ask, please, and I encourage it!!

Thanks for reading this far. And please watch, read, and share Water The Film.

Peace.

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F.R.A.G.M.E.N.T.E.D by dani.love

Fragmented

Part of me is with you

You who I’ve opened up to

You who I’ve let in

You who I’ve shared experiences with

And thought that it was true

Dust

Shattered

Fragmented

I open up too easily too soon

They leave just as quickly as they’ve arrived

Part of me always leaves with them

The cycle starts again before I’m able to replenish

Warning signs flashing

I’m running on E

Not sure how to change

Being this way comes naturally

But it’s not good for me

Can’t you see

I’m running on E

Please help me change

Become a better me

A me that is overflowing with love, light, and confidence

A me not attached to the detached

A me who walks the talk

Talking

Walking

Crawling

Whispering

Still begging

For them to be here with me

For me

Perhaps this is my destiny

Always wanting and never having

They say the best things in life are free.

I’m on E.

Firecracker

Untitled by Dani.Love

PlanetSunshine spilled in through the small spaces o f the blinds, finding its way over her body struggling to sleep. As her eyes twitch, fighting off the images beneath her lids, the sun’s invasions intensified whatever was happening in her subconscious mind. Instinctively, she lifted the knitted teal and orange throw above her head, in an attempt to shield away the torturous moment between her mind and mind’s eye. The vibrating sound of her cell phone alarms startled her, but only slightly as she pressed snoozed, eyes still closed. She wiped her eyes as to erase the dream’s journey. Finally, she forced open her eyes, perhaps too full to endure anymore. Routinely, she reached over to her handcrafted nightstand, which held her journal and favorite pen. She sat up, letting her wild locs fall freely, and did what she has been doing since the arrival of these images.

She wrote.

She wrote, tears forming, trapped in the corner of her eyes. She wiped them prematurely as she always did. Afraid the falling tears would bring the written words beneath them to life. She was oblivious, or perhaps in denial, to the fact that reality already occurred. That she has been a living result of a motherless child. Not that her mother was deceased or even absent, not physically at least.

She wrote away at this nagging dream, needing to put the pieces together, where she is running from danger into the arms of her mother. Towards her mother she runs. To safety she needed. To safety she thought.

To Be Continued….

***
I took a writing workshop class over the summer and while it was helpful hearing other people’s critique of and reading each others’ work, it was most difficult for me to write during the prompts. My mind would just shut down. Perhaps it was me thinking too much and/or comparing myself to the other writers in the workshop, all who are SOOOO brilliant. Any who, this was the first (and perhaps the only) piece that came freely to me during a writing prompt session. I said I’d come back to this and when I do, I will share its growth…

Lost and Obscured (unedited*) by Dani.Love

Sunset Fire Cloud shadows MGD©

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Imagine life without love.
Without the warmth of a home.
The comfort of your friends’ support.
The security of your lover’s arm.
Where would that leave you?
What would be your motivation to continue?

Numb to ills of the world I have to break free
Freedom
Free

Dumb to think this path would come easily
That bliss would be handed to me
Gift wrapped
Presents are the lessons of the experiences we endure
Overcoming obstacles
This (Life) course is free

Life is what education ought to measure up to
Freestyle lessons plans
Of a promise land
Land
Stolen goods
Motherhood
Catching up to
Freedom
Rights 
Stolen

(Still)
I Have
 Chosen
 To Be 
Free.


*In an effort to get me writing more regularly, a friend suggested that we write something every day. This was randomness in my head one morning as I rode the train into the city for work. A recent writing workshop leader said to me, it doesn’t matter how good it is (or how good YOU think it is) or if you ever use it, all that matters is that you continue to write.

Life’s Doodles by Dani.Love

I walked by one of my bookshelves yesterday
Skimmed through to see which to read next
I found myself reaching for one I have already read
Was it that good?
Perhaps
Out of habit?
Perhaps
Whatever the case may be it had me thinking
About what you may wonder
You see.
I have a habit of holding on to the old
Beliefs
Friendships
Clothes
And choices of food, books, ect
Even when these things no longer serve me
I embrace them like they can provide a miracle
Even when these things have hurt me
I turn to them like they will ease the pain
Even when I am rejected and forgotten
I begged for my spot like it will shine a new light.

Old habits die hard they say
But these habits are killing me slowly
Day by day
Minute by minute
Breath by breath
I feel suffocated by what I’ve become accustomed to
Rejected
Mocked
Misunderstood
Taken for granted
Judged
Used
These things I’ve grown used to
I made excuses for
I wrapped my body in them like a security blanket

Fear of what’s on the other side
Loyalty
Love
Consistency
Communication
Honesty
Acceptance
Patience
Trust
New habits are sometimes hard to embrace
New territory can be scary to step into
New people start to seem questionable
Especially after you have endured what you’ve become accustomed to
But this life of mine depends on it

Approaching 30 in a few weeks
I need a new religion
Up until now I’ve just been existing
It’s about time I lived
Exhale
Embrace my birth right freedom
To be me
Openly
Boldly
Those that matter will add to the reminder
That I’m perfect as is
Even in my own darkness
They will see my light
And I will be reminded
I am infinite source of strength, love, and joy

Walked by the bookshelf today
Blindly picked up a new book
Dusted it off
The feeling was strange
The potent fear of uncertainty running through my veins
Hands trembling
It was hard to breath
I chanted to myself
“Your happiness depends on it.”
I curled up on the sofa while chanting
“Your happiness depends on it.”
I exhaled deeply
Opened the book
Slowly
To my surprise
The pages were blank
Confusion filled me
I flipped through the pages
All were perfectly blank
From the left side of my mouth
A smiled appeared as I remembered
This story is mine to create
And from this day forth, I will create it from my core
Which is love.

——–

Inspiration behind the words (outside of my recent life experiences)

“People come, people go – they’ll drift in and out of your life, almost like characters in a favorite book. When you finally close the cover, the characters have told their story and you start up again with another book, complete with new characters and adventures. Then you find yourself focusing on the new ones, not the ones from the past.” –Nicholas Sparks (from The Rescue)

Priorities: Friendships vs. Romantic Relationships

The other day, a homegirl of mine (my ex actually) was venting to me about her failed relationship with a woman she has been dating for months. I honestly don’t even remember what caused her to say what she said that sparked me to write this blog. But the end of the conversation went something like:

HER: I need to take a lesson from your handbook.

ME: What do you mean?

HER: I admire the fact that you are always single, never looking, unbothered and seem unafraid to be alone.

ME: *shrugs and thinks well that’s just me* Thank you.

HER: You seem to just be focused on you and your career.

ME: *thinks that isn’t quite true, though I am learning to focus more on myself* Welp, I tend to focus more on friendships and building strong bonds with people that will last a lifetime.

HER: I see.

ME: I guess I should take a lesson out of most people’s handbooks because so many put very little time, energy and effort into building and maintaining friendships. And many seem unbothered when they fail. Yet, most of these people would move a mountain and chop off a foot to get and keep a partner.

—–

That was only the beginning of the conversation that ended in me really realizing that I need to choose different company. I say this because following my statement, she agreed with what I said AND admitted that she doesn’t put energy into friendships. Which sort of made me feel better because I thought perhaps I was doing something to cause her seemingly lack of interest or effort in hanging out. But once she said that, it was like an “ah huh” moment.

We went back and forth a bit and I started to feel her frustration with the conversation once I asked “Well, what makes you friends with these people whom you put no effort into?” She responded by saying “That is a philosophical question that I cannot answer right now.” I simply let it go.

I have always been this way. Never seeking romantic love or relationships. Yet, I have often searched and yearned for a group of best friends I can experience life with through traveling and sharing of experiences. That’s something I have always craved. Only recently have I chosen to put less effort into trying to force close bonds and focus more on myself. I am almost 30 and feel I have less confidence, knowledge, creativity and motivation from when I was a teenager. A lot of my energy has been on figuring out how to create these close friendships, what is wrong with me and so forth. It’s weird and it’s something I truly am working on. So my current focus is mainly myself (getting to know me better and regaining my confidence) while remaining open to great friendships.

Unfortunately, there seems to be a trend within my age group where friendship isn’t as important as having a partner. Perhaps because family and relationships have never been my ultimate goal in life, I just cant relate. In the past, when I have talked about an issue I was going through with someone to a friend, often times they would ask “Are you two dating?” When I reply no, I usually get a response like “Then why do you care?” I used to scream on the inside. With that said, I am such the opposite. When friends vent to me about their troubled relationships (especially when its often), I often ask, “Why do you stay?” Or “Why don’t you leave?” Granted, it isn’t always that simple. At the same time, is it really worth the suffering?

Now, I am at the point of my life where I am way more observant, embracing my needs/wants, asserting myself, embracing authentic me, and letting go of things and people that aren’t conducive to that life I am choosing to live. I am also putting less energy into people overall and focusing more on myself. In the past, I’ve had a habit of holding on to or trying to force myself into people’s lives who showed little interest in truly having me there. Meanwhile, I have pushed away some awesome people who were trying to be in my life and vice versa. This is all a process and I am learning and loving it. It’s sometimes crazy and emotional and confusing and scary, but at the end of the day, I know it will be worth the effort to grow through it. This journey is transforming me into the women I was meant to be with the people and experiences that were meant to be in my life. I want to be a better me so I can be a better friend and contributor to the world. Through the laughter, tears, smiles, and crazy emotions, I know I am guided and supported.

The journey continues….

With Love, Laughter, and Light,
dani.love

A Dear Diary Moment – The Moment When You Realize It’s Your Imagination by Dani.Love

2/1/2014

The moment when you realize it’s your imagination.

I’ve always been a dreamer. A quiet observer of the animated crowd. Turning strangers into characters of the stories I’d create in my head to pass by the time meant for socializing. Perhaps it was these stories in my head of these strange people that drew me to screenwriting. More importantly, perhaps, it is what drew me to creating these stories in my head and the effects they have had on life outside in the real world.

For the last 10 years, I’ve searched for someone I once had a pretty intense relationship with. I’ve searched social media and asked people we went to high school with have they seen this person. No one seemed to know where they were. I’ve search several times every year for the last 10 years. Recently, I started to think “Well maybe they don’t want to be found”. And about a month ago, I did another type of search and found a Florida address for them, which I knew they’re parents had retired to. I wrote the address down and planned to send a letter during the following week.

The next day or two, I was talking to a very close friend and this became the topic of conversation, though very briefly, it led to conversations about people we went to high school with…which led me to Instagram, a social network I haven’t been on for several weeks. I went there to look for another friend and shortly afterwards, I came across a picture of the person I’ve been looking for since 2003. It was weird because I wasn’t consciously trying to find them at that moment. I thought about it for a few minutes and decided to reach out without any expectations, which felt great.

Over the next few days, we reconnected. We talked on the phone and it was a familiar awesomeness and a love that seemed to overflow. Though I don’t remember a lot of things from a decade or so ago, over the years, the connection and love we shared stayed with me, which always kept them on my mind and in my heart. While, the purpose of me reconnecting was not romantic, conversations led to the topic and the energy shortly became less awesome. I’m not looking for a relationship and have never been the type to look for it or romantic love. I like for it to happen authentically and through a friendship. They are sort of different, which is fine. Through our conversations, I just realized how different we are. Which, now that I think about it, has always been the case. They even made a comment “You have always been open and different, sort of exotic in a sense, that’s one of the things I liked most about you.” At 17-19, yes, it may have worked. At 30, not so much. I love open communication, candid expressions, and blending and embracing each other’s differences. I also love curious people and passionate people (even if you are simply passionate about food!). Its so hard to explain, it just is. And that sort of energy isn’t there from their end. Because of some of our differences, they have shut down and I found myself yearning for them to stay open. It hurts, it saddens me, and it reminds me of something I forgot about. I chose to remember the greatness we shared, and blocked out the reality that it was an emotionally neglectful relationship at times and when I chose to end the romantic part of it, they chose to shut me out completely even though we’d still pass each other regularly on college campus. The hurt I’ve felt over the past 2 weeks is quite the same as it was 10 years ago. Most of it stemming from feeling them shut down, hold back, and lacking enthusiasm and initiation in maintaining any form of relationship.

Since I was a very little girl, I’ve longed for this grand love. Not in a romantic sense, My mother wasn’t nurturing, and though my father is more attentive and nurturing, I did not live with him and spent most of my time around people who weren’t openly affectionate or did not know how to handle emotional me. During those moments when I needed this special outwardly love and affectionate most, I had to go within to create it in a sense. Or sometimes I’d cling on to friends. Even today, I tend to long for a special kind of intimacy, a best friend, and most of my peers fail to understand because they all are in search of another type of intimacy and a romantic love.

I tend to become disappointed a lot when it comes to people. From my mother, to this person I reconnected with after 10 years and others in my life. Many nurture their romantic relationships with the mindset of “my friends will always be there no matter what” so I don’t have to do much to maintain it. But even still, it’s not their fault they aren’t who I’ve imagined them to be in my head!

Today, I told the person that I reconnected with (I will try to convey it verbatim(ly) as possible): “I need to readjust myself because its feels like I’ve created this story in my head of who you were and what it’d be like if we ever reconnected. I think I hurt because the reality of you doesn’t match what I’ve created you to be in my head. And I apologize. It’s no fault of yours. So in readjusting, I shed myself of what I’ve fabricated and clear my vision to see you for who you truly are and what you bring to this new relationship of ours.”

Whether I choose to move forward with the reality of them and continue with the new relationship is still a truth in process. For now, I will be more in the moment and less in my head.

I shared all of this to say, often times when we feel hurt, disappointment, neglected ect., it is usually our unrealistic expectations of someone or an ideal we’ve created that did not come into fruition like we imagined it would. People will be who they are and not who we want them to be.

This reminds me of two Maya Angelou quotes:

“When someone shows you who they are, believe them the first time.”

“If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude.”

On the latter note, that is where the readjusting comes in.

Be kind to yourself.
Only expect to be your best self.
Keep your vision clear.
Stay open to different types of relationships (they come in all shapes and sizes!).
Choose the company you keep wisely.
Accept.
Acknowledge.
Communicate.
Forgive.
Apologize.
Compromise (smartly).
Work through it.
Know when to let go.
And most importantly, love fiercely & openly, always.

Until next time.
“let us continue to look at ourselves”
dani.love

Where Is Home? by Dani.Love

Where Is Home?

Is it where you grew up?
Where your family resides?
Where you’ve lived the longest?
Where you currently lay your head every night?

Where is home?

This is something I have been asking myself lately.

I’m turning 30 in about 7 months and I have never felt so lost as to who I am and what I want out of life, and this has left me feeling a bit alone. And the ghost of alone-ness lingering about has me questioning where I belong and asking myself “where is home?”

I was born and raised in DC and for most of my life that is all I knew. I’ve never really been outside of the DC area, with the exception of one summer when I was about 8 years old and I spent the whole summer with my aunt whose husband was stationed in Kansas. Then, I went to undergrad about 3 hours away from DC (if that counts). Growing up, I’ve always dreamed of traveling the world and living in different cities before I “settled down”. Since I’ve often felt out of place inside the home I grew up in, my daydreams became my home. My fantasies, books, music, and writing spaces were my safety nets that got me through adolescence and young adulthood. By the time I graduated undergrad with a degree in Psychology, I had no clue what I wanted to do. So I moved back to the home I grew up in, all the while fantasizing about a new place I wanted to call home. At the time, New York, San Francisco, and Toronto were consistent destination choices. Several months later, I decided to move to NYC. A few months after that, Brooklyn was my new home.

Six years later, I’m still in NYC. It could be easily assumed that life in the Big Apple has been great. However, now that I reflect on it, it was my choice to finally decide on something independent of others expectations and desires for me,that was great. And it was the energy I felt when I moved to NY, which was birthed through my decision to move that was great. I felt free, independent, happy, and like I could finally live a life for me, on my terms. Many have said, they haven’t seen me as happy in a while… and I will admit, they were right. I haven’t been as happy and free. That feeling eventually wore off.

While most people said I was brave for up and moving to a place where I knew no one and where I had no job or plan, I didn’t feel brave because I wasn’t scared. It was an easy transition that I felt was necessary for me to finally breathe.

I fell in love with my apartment (which I still reside in 6 years later) and it instantly became my new home. I still feel so at home inside of my little Brooklyn apartment. I feel safe, comfortable, and free to be all shades of me. Part of me still feels like NY is my home, while most of me feels out of place. And again, it has me wondering “where is home?”

When I sit and really reflect on it, I’ve come to realize that it’s me that’s not at home within myself. I’m not completely comfortable with who I am yet. Perhaps because I do not really know who I am. Or I don’t fully embrace who I presently am. In either case, regardless of where I move or what occupation I change to, if I’m not comfortable with the person I am, I will continue to feel out of place, eventually. Realizing how much effort I’ve put on external things (i.e. moving, going to grad school, and mending old friendships) and how very little I’ve done internally, leaves me feeling……I’m not sure there are words to describe it. Perhaps disappointed, saddened, hurt, and even scared of the realization that I have so much internal work to do. All of the work and things I’ve done since moving to NYC in 2007, which I thought was for the best, have actually pushed me farther away from many of the personal goals I’d had upon moving. They have made me more of a prisoner inside myself. So, I suppose the real question is: How do I release myself from myself while truly opening up my heart, mind, and soul to embrace the present me and truly live comfortably and freely within myself and authentically outside myself (that’s a loaded question, eh?)

Where is home?

While DC will always be the home city I grew up in and a place I can always go back to. Home is wherever you choose it to be. For me, home lies within me. When I’m comfortable with who I am and am authentic in all I do, I can ultimately feel at home anywhere I am.

I hope wherever you are during the holiday season, you feel at home.

Happy Holidays with love, hot caramel mocha, and sweet potato pie,

dani.love

 

Recycling Words of Wisdom by Dani.Love

Recently, I have been cleaning out things. Part of that consisted of going through my old phone to clear out saved notes. Wanted to share some. First one is by me. Hope you all enjoy and are able to take something away.

With love and a side of dark chocolate fudge brownies,
dani.love

Do Me (Affirmations to Self)
by dani.love

Do what I feel
Say what I feel
I am all I need
Feel good about my actions
Feel good about myself
Know that I’m worthy
Know that I’m perfectly imperfect
Know that I’m growing
Know that I’m beautiful
Embrace my flaws
Embrace my emotions
Make the most of what I have
Be grateful
Be fearless
Take action
Create beautiful memories
Do love
Do smile
Do laugh
Do cry
Do move
Do learn
Do teach
Do help
Do be
Me


You are meant to take up as much space on this earth as you wish to occupy. Be big. Be small. Reach out. Draw in. Be social. Be introverted.
~Unknown

Alive Alone
by Nancy Wood

We are all alive alone.
Neither friend nor lover
Child nor mother
Can light our way for very long.
Out of loneliness
Arises the self we never knew.
Out of fear
Comes the wisdom of our ancestors.
Out of impatience
Grows the persistence of old age.
These shadows of our memory
Create new pathways to the soul
So that in being alive alone
We become alive together.

Words of Hope
by Bliss

“So pack up your weakness,
Consider your goodness,
Let the past be the past,
Let this moment be true.
When divinity is yours then,
Forgiveness is the healer
That mends the broken heart
And restores broken dreams….”

So believe in your goodness
And shine through your darkness,
And face all your fears with a smile and a wave.
All the tears that you have cried
Are now turning into diamonds
And every road you tread is a road that’s paved with gold

*Excerpt from Road of Gold

BE WHO YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO BE
by Unknown (but greatly appreciated!)

You already are what you truly are. To fully know that and make it the functional center of your life, you need to take your attention beyond all the things you aren’t and let your core Being know itself by itself. For thousands of years meditation has been prescribed as the way to reach self-realization. When you reclaim true spiritual authorship of your life, you don’t have to worry about making goals and struggling against habits and desires. You make conscious life-affirming choices from a place of inner contentment and peace.

 

Leap of Faith by Dani.Love

A lot of things, specifically those things we fear or are uncomfortable with, seem easier said than done. And most of those things, when done, weren’t nearly as bad as we presumed them to be.

Taking a leap of faith with love or your career or anything for that matter can be quite daunting. But imagine your life if you never just took a chance. That, to me, is most frightening.

Most of us, when we want something, we often wait for some perfect moment or obsessively plan till so much time has passed or other things have come up that the thing we wanted sort of just vanishes from our list of priorities.

Take a moment to think about the last 5 years of your life. How many goals or things you said you were going to do that you didn’t finish or simply didn’t do at all?

I will disclose 5 things I haven’t done in the past 5 years.

  1. TRAVEL >> Why? Because I’ve been waiting on a certain amount of money to be in my account.
  2. TAKE COURSES (baking, writing, film) >> Why? Because I didn’t make the time and felt I should save my money for something else until I have more saved.
  3. MAKE NEW FRIENDS >> Why? Because I just haven’t put any effort into it. I’m truly a homebody and enjoy quiet moments alone.
  4. NETWORK >> Why? Because I tell myself I’m quite shy and it begins to feel so exhausting to put effort into such a socially charged activity.
  5. START A BLOG >> Why? Because I tell myself I’m not an experienced enough writer, I’m not good enough, no one will embrace it, and I have no focus (and feel I need a focus to start a blog).

The things we tell ourselves that prevent us from LIVING!

On a successful note, I took a leap of faith two weeks ago. And though, right now, I feel the fear of the unknown that this leap of faith has brought on, I am totally happy that I FINALLY did it.

I quit my job. Nothing lined up, no potential jobs or income resources. And, I live in NYC, whose rent in and of itself can be quite daunting!

I was unhappy for at least 18 months of the 26 months I was at the job. I kept waiting for the perfect moment to leave. Specifically, at first, I was waiting for the perfect job to come along. Then, it was for a certain amount of money to be saved.  I kept telling myself I needed to “be smart” about my exit. Until one day, an event occurred and I decided in that moment “I don’t want or need this in my life. It isn’t aligned with ANYTHING I want for myself.”  I quit without hesitation or fear and the most miraculous thing occurred when the words left my mouth.

I felt free. Literally, it felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders. For the rest of the workday, I finished any assignments I was still working on and cleaned my work area; and I did it with glee. I was cheerful and in those final hours of my final day at the job I was unhappy with for at least 18 months, money wasn’t a concern, how I was going to pay off my $86,000 graduate loan or overpriced NYC rent was no longer any concern of mine. Instead, I was filled with gratitude and fulfillment.

I was grateful for the opportunities the free time I now have will provide me. I can work on the writing projects I was always too tired to do after leaving work. I could use the free time to explore career options and truly decide what it is I want to do. I could finally declutter my apartment and just relax, something that I haven’t done for an extended period in YEARS.

I was satisfied that I finally did something that I wanted to do for over a year. I was proud of myself for being ballsy enough to <TAKE A LEAP OF FAITH>, believing that the Universe will catch me and I will be provided for.

It’s scary, indeed. But I am finally becoming reacquainted with the Unknown. So far, it has welcomed me with open arms.

Today, where can you take a leap of faith? What are you waiting for?

With confidence, encouragement, strength, and support,

dani.love