It was an accident. I didn’t mean to do it. It wasn’t even my fault. The gun was in my hand.
Saturday, May 25, 1996
Boom. Boom. Boom. Feeling the rhythm in my soul, I dance around crazily, drunk out of my mind. My red silk dress sticks to my skin as someone grabs my hips and grinds against my back. I barely even notice, just adjust my thighs to get a better fit.
“What are you doing?” he asks.
“What?” I say.
“What the fuck do you think you’re doing?”
I finally realize who’s talking to me, and I look up startled. Shit. I didn’t even realize he was here.
“You’re basically fucking this guy right in front of me,” he says, as he walks closer to me. Every angry step makes me more anxious.
He grabs my arm as the guy behind me yells, “Come on man! I was dancing.”
“You think I give a fuck what you’re doing with my girl!”
I love when he calls me that.
I trip several times as he drags me across the floor. Taking me to a wall, he shoves me against it and leans in towards me until I can feel his breath on my face as he speaks. Peppermint and cigarette smoke. Like always.
“You think I didn’t realize you left with your friends to come here. Don’t think you can leave. I will follow you wherever—“
“Hey! What are you doing? Get away from her!” my friend says.
He pushes her and tells her to back away, that this does not concern her.
“Yeah it does. You have no fucking right to treat her like this,” she says, as he drags me towards the door.
As we exit, I can hear my friend following us, though I can’t see her because he has my head in a tight grip. We reach his car. My friend catches up and grabs me, trying to pull me back.
I become the rope in this tug of war.
He opens the car door, and my friend attempts to pull me away, but not fast enough. He takes something out and turns around. This time he has a gun in his hand.
“Back the fuck off before I shoot her,” he says to my friend.
Eyes wide, scared completely, she still tries to help me. But I push her away, telling her that it’s okay, I’ll be fine, he won’t shoot. She doesn’t believe me and wants to stay, but I push her.
He grabs me. Sticks the gun under my chin and clicks the safety clip.
Frightened, I freeze. My friend begins to walk away, and he puts the gun down.
Loosened from his grip, I attempt to grab the gun. I catch the tip and it slides away.
My friend grabs for it and points it at him. I scream and tell her not to shoot.
She doesn’t listen.
Pop. I jump in front of him.
“No!” my friend yells.
Running to me, she crouches and tries to staunch the blood. I feel somewhat numb.
“This is all your fault!”
Pop. Without realizing it, he had gone for the gun.
Shock. The emotion on my friend’s face before she dies.
“You bitch. Look what you made me do,” he says, as he wipes his fingerprints off the gun, places it in my hand, and walks away.