Life’s Doodles by Dani.Love

I walked by one of my bookshelves yesterday
Skimmed through to see which to read next
I found myself reaching for one I have already read
Was it that good?
Perhaps
Out of habit?
Perhaps
Whatever the case may be it had me thinking
About what you may wonder
You see.
I have a habit of holding on to the old
Beliefs
Friendships
Clothes
And choices of food, books, ect
Even when these things no longer serve me
I embrace them like they can provide a miracle
Even when these things have hurt me
I turn to them like they will ease the pain
Even when I am rejected and forgotten
I begged for my spot like it will shine a new light.

Old habits die hard they say
But these habits are killing me slowly
Day by day
Minute by minute
Breath by breath
I feel suffocated by what I’ve become accustomed to
Rejected
Mocked
Misunderstood
Taken for granted
Judged
Used
These things I’ve grown used to
I made excuses for
I wrapped my body in them like a security blanket

Fear of what’s on the other side
Loyalty
Love
Consistency
Communication
Honesty
Acceptance
Patience
Trust
New habits are sometimes hard to embrace
New territory can be scary to step into
New people start to seem questionable
Especially after you have endured what you’ve become accustomed to
But this life of mine depends on it

Approaching 30 in a few weeks
I need a new religion
Up until now I’ve just been existing
It’s about time I lived
Exhale
Embrace my birth right freedom
To be me
Openly
Boldly
Those that matter will add to the reminder
That I’m perfect as is
Even in my own darkness
They will see my light
And I will be reminded
I am infinite source of strength, love, and joy

Walked by the bookshelf today
Blindly picked up a new book
Dusted it off
The feeling was strange
The potent fear of uncertainty running through my veins
Hands trembling
It was hard to breath
I chanted to myself
“Your happiness depends on it.”
I curled up on the sofa while chanting
“Your happiness depends on it.”
I exhaled deeply
Opened the book
Slowly
To my surprise
The pages were blank
Confusion filled me
I flipped through the pages
All were perfectly blank
From the left side of my mouth
A smiled appeared as I remembered
This story is mine to create
And from this day forth, I will create it from my core
Which is love.

——–

Inspiration behind the words (outside of my recent life experiences)

“People come, people go – they’ll drift in and out of your life, almost like characters in a favorite book. When you finally close the cover, the characters have told their story and you start up again with another book, complete with new characters and adventures. Then you find yourself focusing on the new ones, not the ones from the past.” –Nicholas Sparks (from The Rescue)

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