Yes, no one owes you anything!
I know that may be hard for your ego to digest but that’s some of the best advice I’ve ever embraced or given to someone when it comes to our interactions with people.
In a conversation with a friend, we were discussing a recent experience we both went through that changed the dynamic of a friendship. I could tell she was pretty bitter about her experience. Her primary focus was on what this person did to her and how wrong the person was for it. I listened attentively as my friend vented and expressed her perspective and feelings regarding the situation.
I told her that I totally understand how she feels (as I was going through something with a friend as well) and advised her to alter her focus on how this experience can help her in her present and future relationships going forward. Of course, this is not something she wanted to hear at the moment. So I refocused my input, and boldly said “I totally understand where you are coming from. I do feel she should have been upfront with you. At the same time, her actions matched her desires which, unfortunately, weren’t in your favor. I don’t think she meant any malice by it. And, she doesn’t owe you anything. ”
Her response was “But I would have never done anything like that to her!”
And my last words were simply, “People are going to do what they want. Yes, we can express how we feel or what we’d like from people, but people are still going to do what they want. It’s up to us to either accept it, sort through it, or move on. At the end of the day, no one owes us anything.”
I have a love hate relationship with that advice myself because, like many of us, we want what we want! Whether it’s for someone to always be there in our time of need, for someone to disclose certain information, or for people to always acknowledge us. However, the reality is, people are on their own paths and want what they want as well. Everyone’s route in life is not always going to be in our favor. We all have distinct choices to make and lives to live. To spend our lives always doing what others want and what’s best for everyone means to live an unfulfilled, superficial life based on pleasing everyone. And to always expect others to be and react how we want will leave us dissatisfied and resentful.
I’m not saying go out and blatantly cause mayhem or be rude and unloving or mislead people. I’m just saying, live your truth out loud and ease up on the expectations of others!!
And to add to the beautiful contradictions life already offers, I’ll also advise to be open and honest in your interactions. I’m a huge believer and active participant of being transparent. I’ve been told that I’m too blunt or too honest and even too emotional, but that’s me! So my advice is to speak up and speak out. Do it openly, with loving and good intentions. If you feel some type of way about one’s actions, speak on it (they still don’t owe you anything!). If you desire something you know your friend/partner won’t approve of, be bold enough to tell your partner (Yes, they deserve that much … though you don’t owe them anything). By living your truth openly AND being transparent in our relationships, there will be less confusion and negative energy, as well as smoother transactions that will ultimately create an authentic, fulfilling relationship based on devotion, love, and trust.
So again, no one owes us anything! Embracing that statement daily will help us to not take things personally because other people’s actions/reactions are hardly ever about us (if ever). I still have to remind myself of this when I find myself agitated or hurt by someone’s action/reaction. It’s definitely a process, but one that’s worth the constant effort!!
Until next time, let us continue to look at ourselves and celebrate our process and progress. Our journeys deserve treats along the way to keep us moving forward!
With love, light, and a green mint smoothie (I’m currently fasting!),
**NOTE: As with any advice, this is subjective and should be used at your own discretion. When it comes to abusive relationships, whether emotional or physical, I’d never advise to accept it. We owe it to ourselves to get out or to create a safer situation for ourselves.