1. Enjoy more pajama days, eating cereal out of the box and laughing when Netflix asks you “Are you okay?”
2. Stop seeing people I could get to know wearing the faces of those that have already hurt me. Tear those masks off the faces of strangers and see them as they truly are.
3. Be less embarrassed by how much I love fangirly things. Squee as if no one’s watching, flail as if I’m behind a computer screen, and laugh because I want to.
4. Hear him whisper “I love you” even if he never says it out loud. Feel it written on my skin by his shaking hands, see adoration in the curl of his smile. Listen to the morse code of his heart beat against my chest, devotion swimming in his ventricles and contentment sighing in his lungs.
5. Try and get out of bed within the first hour of waking up, rather than watch daylight smear across the walls and wonder if my feet will ever touch the floor again.
6. Trust in what I know and don’t be afraid of what I don’t.
7. Go for more walks. My eyes have only seen 1% of the world, a statistically insignificant sample. How will I ever prove my hypothesis without more data?
8. Tell the people I love “I love you” as if they’ve never heard it before, as if I’ll never say it again.
10. Write every day, even if it’s just the line of a memo or the verse of a song. Write on napkins and notebooks and in Word documents. Write until my knuckles burn and my wrists sulk in irritation and all the stories in my head are finally made real.
11. Have that second slice of pie (I could be hit by a bus later).
12. Fall even more in love with the space I’ve created for myself and the world I’m surrounded by. Let the universe inside my skin continue expanding, crawling through the dark until all I know is littered with stars.
13. Catch up on Doctor Who (and Supernatural and Sherlock and Teen Wolf and all the worlds I love so much).
14. Remember that happiness isn’t the end goal. It’s a constant process, an enzymatic reaction that loops back around even after catalysis is reached. Never-ending, always beginning.
15. It all starts now